A week of normalness and I've finally had some time to stop and think. Anara and Violet are back in a routine. Anara is walking and playing and has resumed Anara-like activities. She isn't requiring as much care and her little personality is really coming back. Yesterday I was playing with the girls and all the sudden it hit me that Anara is just one of our kids. You are probably thinking, "Duh" but it has taken me a while to have this emotion hit me without having to think through it or force it. I have loved her for a long time but things hadn't quite clicked for me. Yesterday it hit me all the sudden.
While the girls were playing, I had a little time to catch up on blog reading. Many of my friends had focused recent posts on adoption. I don't spend a lot of time really thinking about adoption. I say Anara is adopted but I don't really stop to think about what that means or what we went through to bring her home. She just seems like a part of our family and I forget what life was like before we had her. Our OT mentioned that we didn't get Anara until she was almost a year old. I had to stop and think about that, "Really? Anara spent almost a full year of her life without us? Wait, we have actually only had her for 8 months." Anara has lived more of her life in an orphanage than in our home. I spent some time thinking about this and started feeling a sense of desperation and urgency. I forgot what Anara looked like when we walked into the tiny room where they had her isolated because of her medical condition. I forgot that she was standing in a crib soaked with urine and stool. I say this not because they weren't doing a good job caring for her--I believe they were doing the best they could--but because it is the way things were without a mom or dad. She was so skinny and weak, and she couldn't even sit on her own.
Our road to Anara was not easy - there are many obstacles involved with international adoption, but we were able to see God's hand in everything we went through. Our time home with Anara has also not been easy. I have run the gamut of emotions from elation at growing our family through adoption to being absolutely overwhelmed by the fear that things would never again be normal. Anara had some behaviors (and still does) that are signs of institutionalization. Caring for her medical needs is difficult sometimes and runs us ragged. Fighting with her over feeding, bathing, and other daily activities is sometimes extremely frustrating and stress producing. Often I am afraid that things will always be hard and a couple of times I have worried that we have bit off more than we can chew. However, this is not the case. God through the support of family and friends has met our needs and provided exactly what we needed for the time.
I do not think that international adoption is for everyone. It is definitely not for the faint of heart. As with biological children, there is no guarantee that what you see is what you get. You cannot predict the issues that come with adopting anymore that you can predict that you will have a healthy and perfect newborn. It is likely that your institutionalized child might have behavioral and emotional needs that require extra care. However, living in the U.S., we have wonderful resources and people to guide us through these experiences. Knowing and trusting God will give peace and grace to deal with things that seem impossible.
I am not sure why I am writing this. I do feel a sense of urgency. I would love to adopt again someday. I was talking to a friend who said that Nightlight's Kyrgyzstan program has grown considerably. They have had referrals for very young babies. This is not usually the case with international adoption. The wait does not seem long for this country. I don't really care where people adopt from - an orphan is an orphan, but I do think it is good to go where the need and the openings are. Unfortunately many countries are not open to adoption right now and you have to go where the children are available. Kyrgyzstan is a great program and a great opportunity. We enjoyed traveling there and while we didn't witness the magnitude of the orphan population, I have heard that it is substantial and the resources available to care for these kids are very limited.
Maybe I am just posting this to process my own emotions related to the issue of orphans. Maybe it will prompt people to consider embarking on this journey. Hopefully it will serve as a reminder for all of us to take seriously the issue of orphans globally and to figure out what our individual contribution could be. I would love for every family to have their own Anara, Noble, Beck, AP, C, Matthew, Joshie, Kenny, JJ, Zeke, Sofia, Alina, Audrey, Kiah, Jake or Luke (sorry if I forgot anyone), but I realize that adoption isn't for everyone. However, everyone can do something. We can all pray for orphans. We can financially support legitimate adoption agencies, churches sponsoring adoption, foundations, or couples we know that are adopting. We can be foster parents for kids in our country. We can journey to other countries to hold babies and play with kids.
Tuesday is Christmas. I cannot imagine Anara having spent another Christmas in the orphanage. At a time when we travel to see family and every get together is a celebration, I cannot imagine her alone in a crib. I am praising God for the amazing blessing of Anara. Adoption is very near to our heart and I just had to post some of the things that I have been thinking lately, but I think my friend Jen put it best when she said,
The last thing I want to do is elicit more "Look at you, you're doing such a good thing!" comments. It's not that we are so special or saintly. It's just that we've seen the needs with our own eyes. If more people saw, they would feel the same way. I hope that you have a wonderful Christmas and that we all have an opportunity to remember Christ's coming to earth and becoming flesh so that we could be adopted into His family.
