Departing thoughts...

Tomorrow morning we begin our journey to Hong Kong to pick up our son. We had a phone conference with our social worker yesterday to discuss travel and other details. We discussed possible grief reactions. There will be grief. Daniel Bennett describes adoption as a "God-glorifying tragedy" and I can't say it any better. Ezekiel will grieve the loss of the foster family, culture, and language that he has known and he will always grieve the loss of a birth family. The foster parents will grieve the baby they have loved the last 18 months. There will be grief in our home as well. However, it will all be made right in the end.

We haven't really shared much of our emotional process about the adoption (other than expressing frustration about the wait and bureaucratic details) to outsiders. We have faced opposition from the first time we mentioned considering a Down syndrome adoption. We had a ready defense and we used it frequently. We focused much on the "why not" because we really wanted people to grasp that Ezekiel is a person and worthy of life and love. It was not about the sacrifices to be made and it still isn't.

That said, I (Amanda) think my grieving process has begun. I am thinking of everything in terms of "lasts" even though I know they won't really be lasts. Last quiet bath while four kids play independently. Last time to listen to a book or sermon while I fold laundry. Last night of independence after the children are in bed. Last night of potential sleep. Last day to be together as a family of six. Last time laundry will be folded and put away in the same day (oh who am I kidding, that rarely happens now). Last.....without a special needs baby/child/adult. The encouraging thing is that the same things are still true that were true when we began this process. This life is still temporary, all life is still valuable, children with Down syndrome are still discarded and marginalized. We still have enough resources, faith and love to make this child or own. So I will let myself grieve these perceived "lasts" and remember that's it's not about me - it never was. We are nearing the end of this process but it marks the beginning of our new life as a family of 7 and new grace to provide and love Ezekiel as God loves us.

 WE'RE READY!

Only 4 More Days!

Ezekiel's Room

We received our High Court Order last Tuesday and I spent the day booking flights and hotel. We leave Friday, March 21st to fly to Hong Kong to pick up Ezekiel. Coincidently Friday is also World Down Syndrome Day. We are pretty excited as we make last minute preparations. It's amazing how something you have anticipated for months can sneak up on you. 

Ellie and Daddy building Z's crib

Here is a sweet video released in honor of World Down Syndrome Day. 

Surprised by Joy

Joy (6 yrs)

This is our niece, Joy Sa-Rang. Joy provided the inspiration and motivation to bring home Baby Z. When my sister-in-law, Rachel, told me that she had always been drawn to children with Down syndrome and that she had even entertained the idea of adopting a child with Down syndrome, I thought, "That's nice. I am glad somebody is willing to do that." At that time I would have never imagined pursuing the adoption of a child with Down syndrome.

Joy introduced us to Down syndrome (Ds). Joy is Joy. Joy isn't Down syndrome, Joy isn't a stigma, Joy isn't a genetic mutation, Joy isn't an abnormality... Joy is Joy. And Baby Z will be Z.

In the US we abort a high percentage of babies with Down syndrome. The prenatal diagnosis is virtually a death sentence. For the sake of convenience, babies are murdered and families never know the joy they are missing by denying these children their right to life.

My first real interaction with a child who had Ds was in Romania. My friend, Jody, was in love with a baby named Elana. Because Elana had Down syndrome, she received very little attention or stimulation from staff at the baby hospital. Children with Down syndrome were called "half-brains" and marginalized.  In the US, we are much more "humane" - we exterminate them before they are born. In other countries they continue to be discarded and marginalized.

While our motivation to adopt Baby Z is not to make a statement, adopting Baby Z certainly will make a statement. The statement is this, "We value life." Baby Z will be a blessing to our family, our friends, and our community. We are thankful for his sweet life and look forward to bringing him home. We have been "surprised by Joy" (to shamelessly steal from C.S. Lewis).

Joy in Korea

Joy the week she came home (1 year old)

Joy 2 years old

Baby Z is 11 months

11-months-old

Last week Baby Z turned 11-months-old. He is rolling over and is able to sit for short periods of time unassisted. He prefers his foster mom and cries when someone else picks him up. This is a good sign as attachment will transfer. We pray that he is well loved and are hopeful this is the case.

As of last Thursday, we still did not have a caseworker assigned to us for our I800A (I will call again today to check). Pray for a speedy and smooth process.

We are still trying to raise funding. With help from friends and family, we have whittled this number down to $7,151. Thank you so much for your generosity. If you are interested in supporting the adoption financially, there is a Paypal button on the right side of the blog or you can contact us. 

A Sincere Thank You

When we decided to start the process for our second adoption, Amanda and I had intentions of reviving this blog and doing it somewhat like we did with our adoption of Anara.  It took a minute to realize that things are much different than they were 6 years ago.  First of all, four- or five-paragraph blog posts (maybe even with pictures included) have generally given way in social media to one-sentence Facebook status updates and up-to-the-minute Instagram photos.  Most people really don't take the time to read blog posts like they used to.  You get more bang for your buck by posting and making comments on Facebook than you do other mediums right now.  In another 6 years, it will probably be different.

Another thing that's different from 6 years ago is that now we have 4 kids, not just one.  So finding the time to sit down at a computer and type coherent thoughts in a blog post is WAY more difficult.  I rarely even make the time or effort to post things on Facebook.  I happen to be writing this on an evening where Amanda and the kids are not home, and I've promised to use my free time to post to the blog.

Since I have this opportunity, the first thing I want to do is to give a sincere and heartfelt thank you to those of you who have supported us so far in this adoption process.  Whether by simply taking an interest and asking us how the process is going, by praying, or by even financially contributing, we are truly humbled by your care.  I can't say it strongly enough--your support means a LOT to us.  Not everyone is supportive of our adopting a child with Down syndrome, and while we can understand where some people's concerns are coming from, we are encouraged and reassured by those of you who have so generously supported us.

The second thing I wanted to do is to link to and comment on a short video that ESPN (suprisingly?) published last fall called "Perfect."  It's the story of a man who had a daughter born with Down syndrome and how it has affected him.  I like this video for obvious reasons.  Heath White is a runner and perfectionist.  I fancy myself a runner and I've had bouts of perfectionism, and although my actual accomplishments don't match his (except I married a hotter woman), I can still relate to him a bit.  In a subtle way, it also clearly provides support toward embracing and not simply marginalizing or discarding those born with Down syndrome, a group of human beings that today is aborted before birth at a rate of about 90-95%.  It puts a personal, human face on a situation that many people have found themselves in, but may not have dealt with in the same positive way.

I can also relate to the story for a couple other reasons.  When Heath found out his wife Jennifer was pregnant with a child with Down syndrome, he struggled with fear and selfishness.  When Amanda first suggested that we pursue the adoption of a child with Down syndrome, I struggled with doubt and a need to protect some sort of peace or status quo in my household.  "Things are already chaotic enough," I said.  Heath's wife Jennifer was strong through her husband's fear and refused to abort her child she knew had a right to live.  My wife is also strong, and was able to convince me that we are able to do this, and that this boy, Baby Z, needs and deserves the love of a family and the home that we can provide him.

If you haven't seen this video and have 14 minutes (!), please humor me and watch it.  It's a good story and touches on at least one reason why I am excited about adopting Z.  Heath White discovered how having a child with Down syndrome changed him.  Being married to Amanda and having our 4 kids has already changed me, but I openly accept the challenge that this next adoption will entail, and I am praying to be changed and blessed in the same way Heath has been.  Thank you, again, for your support.

$10,691

$10,691 - that is the amount we would like to raise to complete our adoption.

While we have the financial ability to care for another child, we don't have the finances available to complete this adoption without the help of others. Thank you for being a part of this adoption. Thank you for helping us to provide a family and a home for Baby Z. We cannot wait to bring him home and introduce him to everyone.

To those who have contributed, thank you so much.

I am currently in the process of submitting a grant to Show Hope and I am hopeful that they will help offset some of the financial burden. They contributed $3,000 to help us bring Anara home.

Here are the expenses that have yet to be paid.

Plane tickets for 2 people: $3,500.00
Post-placement Reports (x3):                     $900.00
Visa/In-Country Costs:                           $1,500.00
Hotel/Travel Expenses:                           $3,000.00
Country Fee:                                            $300.00
Adoption Finalization:                            $1,491.00

If you would like to contribute you can use the paypal button on the right side or give the money to us directly.  Thanks so much!

Baby Z is 10 months old!

Happy 10 months Baby Z!  We think of you and pray for you often.  We are working hard to bring you home and cannot wait to meet and hold you.

Adoption update:  We are waiting on a fingerprint appointment with immigration and for our information to be reviewed by HK social services.

Moving forward!

Our dossier was sent to Z's birth country yesterday and should arrive tonight! Praying that everything would move smoothly and quickly. Also, we have a $3500.00 program fee due in the next couple weeks. If you are interested in supporting our adoption, you can use the paypal button or contact us to donate another way. We really appreciate your encouragement and support as we cannot do this alone!

Adopting again!

Dear Family and Friends,

In 2007 we brought home our daughter, Anara, from Kyrgyzstan.  We wrote a letter asking for prayer and financial support in order to complete her adoption.  Anara just turned 7 on May 1^st.  She is doing wonderfully and currently only has annual follow-up visits at the children’s hospital.  She has been a blessing to our family and we are thankful for her life.  We are grateful for the loving support of our friends and family and the many strangers who made her adoption, her transition, and her medical corrections possible. 

We are writing to humbly ask again for your prayers and financial support to contribute to our next adoption process.  Our desire is to provide a loving home to a baby in need.  We already have a sweet little 8 month-old boy “on hold” for us and we are in the process of completing the seemingly endless amount of paperwork.

In order to protect his identity, we are not permitted to use his name or even show a picture of his face.  We tell our friends his name is Z.  Z is currently waiting with a foster family.  He is described as a happy and smiley baby.  He rolls over unassisted, holds his head up and grasps toys. 

Z has Down syndrome and a heart defect (ASD) that we don’t have much information on at this time. We are not sure of the extent of his need for potential surgery.  In many instances, Z would have been discarded or marginalized.

We look forward to traveling to Z's birth country sometime in the next 12-18 months to pick up our son.  Of course we would appreciate prayers that it would be much sooner than this.

We expect this adoption to cost $20,000 - $25,000.  We hope to obtain funding through a combination of personal savings, grants, and most importantly from loving and supportive contributions from our family and friends. We will be using our family blog for updates and fundraising.  Our blog has not been used in a long time but still contains details of Anara’s adoption story, her medical journey, and general family happenings (before Amanda quit recording things).

If you would like to support us financially, you can do this using the PayPal button on our blog.  Your entire contribution will go toward our adoption process and Z’s care.  Please consider helping us provide a loving home for Z.  We consider you partners already and hope that you will continue. 

We are blessed to know you and to count you as supporters in our efforts.  We ask you to prayerfully consider partnering with us to provide Z a loving and supportive home.

Love,

Nathan and Amanda