High-low

Contrary to what you might be thinking, that isn't just a funny way to say "hello". When I was an RA in college, we used to open our meetings by giving a "high" and a "low" from the previous week.

I will start this post with our lows so that I can end with the highs.

*We are still having trouble with Anara's catheterizable channel. This might mean another surgery and more hospital time. Our insurance benefits changed for this year and her care will cost more than last year. She is supposed to have a sleep study to determine whether she has apnea, and this study alone would cost us $1,000.00. Thankfully our max. out of pocket is not a terrible amount, but we will pay double what we paid in 2007. I am waiting on a call from her developmental peds. MD to figure out whether the sleep study and swallow study are necessary. I will find out what the course of action will be for her channel on Thursday.

*I mentioned in the last post that there is a baby in Bishkek waiting to be adopted. I forwarded the baby's picture and medical information to Anara's MD. He called Saturday morning with some disappointing news. He said that this baby has a more serious form of exstrophy called "Cloacal Exstrophy". This baby needs a bowel surgery with colostomy as well as Anara's bladder surgery. If this baby had been born here, her chances of a full life would be great, but time and resources are not on her side. Her medical needs would best be met by an adoptive family's insurance. (The cost would be too great to be absorbed by a hospital or organization.) She would be more "adoptable" having had the surgical correction. Anara's MD said that most of these babies die of malnutrition because their bowel (outside their body) cannot adequately absorb. Before 1970, there is no record of a child born with this malformation living past 1 month. The fact that this baby is still alive without intensive medical intervention means that she is pretty determined to survive.

I have been emotional about this baby's situation. I realize that children all over the world die daily of things that could be prevented. However, I have a special place in my heart for this baby in the same hospital that Anara stayed at with potentially the same MD caring for her. Nate and I have thought of what it would be like for us to adopt her and we just aren't sure of our capability right now. It is difficult to know that you might be able to help and not be sure whether or not you should. Factors to consider: Anara might need another surgery, Anara is not fully healed, we still owe money for Anara's adoption, we don't have financial resources to support another $30,000 or more adoption, the baby might not live long enough to complete the adoption process, and can our family sustain the emotional blow of adopting an even more critical child. I do not have the emotional fortitude and infinite patience that I wish that I had. But, is not pursuing adoption condemning that child to die? Is it up to us (Mom, I already know your answer)? I have been wrestling with this since last Friday. If tomorrow someone handed us this child then the answer would be more simple, but the traveling with a potentially critical child (with my lack of medical knowledge) and the difficulty of the adoption process is quite overwhelming.

I guess I am not looking for anyone to answer my question, but I did feel a need to debrief. I know that God loves this child and will provide answers to my questions. I am thankful that I do not have to make these decisions on my own and that I am not the head of our household.

I am not allowed to post a picture of her but she is a beautiful little baby. You would never know by looking at her sweet little face that she suffers.

*The girls and I have colds. Yes, I was just sick 9 days ago with a cold. I am not a sick person and I have no idea why my immune system decided to give out again. Usually it is related to my lack of nutrition/vitamins and an increase in my sugar consumption, but not this time.

*Our washer is broken and we are out of several clothing items. Last night Nate said that Violet will probably be wearing her halloween sheep costume for pajamas if the part for the washer doesn't arrive soon. I know, not the end of the world, just an annoyance.

Highs:

*Anara has started eating on her own - I mean really eating. She is still depending on the formula for calories but she is taking it orally. She is tolerating food much better and at some meals can outeat Violet.

*Anara is starting to run and trying to learn to jump.

*Right now Anara is holding play-doh in her hand and this is the 1st time she has ever tolerated that texture.

*Anara's vocabulary is rapidly expanding. She is even speaking in 3 to 4 word sentences. You can understand her when she says, "Here go Mommy", "Happy birthday Daddy", "I pottied", "Okay Mommy, I won't", and "All done Mama". She mimics Violet and will even make the sounds with correct syllables for longer sentences. She can sing her ABC's but will not perform on command. Her favorite thing to sing is, "Small one, small one, small one for sale," a song from one of our Christmas movies.

*Violet has not had to use the nebulizer in a while. I love it when that thing is put away and not part of our living room decor.

*It is almost time to do our taxes and the adoption credit will help pay back Anara's loan.

*We have made it to church three of the past four Sundays (is that right Nate?) and three Wednesday night dinners. This is amazing because something always happens (sickness or being out of town) to make us miss.

*The girls are sleeping through the night for the most part. Anara isn't getting a midnight bottle consistently and last night, although we heard them, they never required us getting out of bed.

*We had a successful 12mo. post-placement visit with our adoption agency and won't have another for 6 months.

*Monday was Nate's birthday. The girls and I spent the day making a carrot cake and dinner. They were excited to be making birthday preparations. Violet even picked a Mickey card from the racks and wrote in it herself. She told Nate, "It says Daddy and it kind of says Dora."